My COVID PostSecret’s

by lorrie s…..

Today on the news I heard them say “Thanksgiving will be different this year for everyone”. My first thought was “No shit Sherlock” followed instantly by “thank god I don’t have to do that this year!” 

PostSecret is a…well I’ll let Wikipedia explain it:

“PostSecret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren in 2005, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on a homemade postcard. Selected secrets are then posted on the PostSecret website, or used for PostSecret’s books or museum exhibits.”

You can find PostSecret on every social media site now and every time I read them one always makes me cry.  And one will always make me laugh.  They are everything from deep painful secrets to humorous secrets and I always feel the that they come from a place that we are all insecure about.  That place where things hide, afraid to tell anyone for fear we’ll be judged, hated, ostracized, belittled, not loved, sent to therapy, committed.  Secrets that sweet damaged souls send to a stranger who they can trust when they can trust no one else.  The postcards remind me of how fragile my own life has been, how lucky I am now, and never to take happiness for granted.

I have two PostSecret books and one of the postcards probably saved my life.  I copied a card 11 years ago and put it on my desk at work.  It’s a picture of Alice in Wonderland and the caption is “ACTUALLY, THE BEST THING YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN HER WAS A LIFETIME OF ADVENTURES….”  My dear sweet husband looked at that card every day and still quotes it to me.  I think he knew I needed saving and he wanted to give me a lifetime of adventures.  Hence the happiness I will never take for granted. 

There is also a very funny account of a PostSecret.  One card said “My butt sweats when I get nervous.” I laughed and tried to envision that.  A few years later while visiting my beautiful chic daughter, during a random conversation, she rolls her eyes and nonchalantly tells me her butt sweats when she gets nervous and it drives her crazy!  I laughed, how could I not, but I was amazed at her candidness and confidence in herself.  How often do any of us reveal such a personal secret and expose ourselves?  I still wonder if she wrote that postcard.

My COVID PostSecret’s

I’m glad I don’t have to cook Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas dinner for anyone but me and my husband.  I can save the $400-$600 each event cost me.  I won’t have to clean my house for two weeks.  I won’t have to take a week to set up the table for 12 with placemats, flowers, plates, glasses, butter dishes, water pitchers, desert forks, teaspoons, wine glasses, napkins and place cards (I hate place cards, their idea not mine).  I will set up a beautiful table for just the two of us. 

I’m saving tons of money on makeup.  I wear Mac and to be real it’s been great not having to put makeup on all the time or spend the money on replacing it.  I still have the same makeup since March and that is a huge money saver.  I do still wear lip gloss around the house.

Wearing a mask in public has its benefits.  I don’t have to wear makeup since half my face is covered and no one can see me.  It’s kind of freeing, I feel like I’m incognito.  No wonder movie stars wear hats and sunglasses all the time.

I miss not going out for lunch or dinner and being with a crowd and being waited on but again I love the money we are saving.  Every meal out is $100 lunch with a bottle of wine and dinner is even more.  Both my husband and I are great cooks and the wine is better at home too.  We are doing picnics on the weekends in the park and we even talked about doing them in the snow by just bundling up.  Our picnics are so much more romantic, way more fun than a restaurant and the food is so much better.

I love the time with my cat at home.  She likes it too.

COVID has given me permission to care for myself and my husband.  

My daughters are in their forties and raising their families in two different states from us.  They have their worries about home schooling small children and teenagers getting through this but they’re adapting and seeing their children in a new light.  Financially they’re set and life is good for them.  They have their daily worries so it’s nice for them to know we are doing well also.  We are all keeping our lives together.  Phone calls, social media and facetime keep us all together even though we are apart.  

My husband’s family members just up the street are living their own lives also.  

My husband and I are free to take care of each other and do exactly what we want to do.  And that means Thanksgiving for two!

My biggest PostSecret: 

I realized that we all live in our own reality.  It’s not selfish, just real.  We all like to stay in our reality, believe in our scripts, keep our characters in character.  The great thing about COVID is that our characters are being tested and challenged, obliterated and reimagined.  We can be depressed, helping, morbid, angry, sad, loud, ugly, stinky, messed up, sleepy, sick, itchy, drunk, pristine, overboard, freaked out, a little crazy, loving, kind, creative, anything we want to be.  It’s ok, we’re all in this together and every emotion we are is ok.  Just so we’re kind and respectful to others, and most important, to ourselves.  

Post PostSecret:

I’m re-reading and writing this late Sunday night.  Hubby is tucked in, the kitchen is clean, the house is ready for another day.  I sit here with a glass of wine drinking by myself.  I feel like I’m literally slipping below the surface of the water and I wonder if I’ll really come up for air this time.  I will, of course, tomorrow morning, start all over again.  It’s getting harder to be positive and happy.  I don’t even want to scream I just want to sleep until this is all over.  My PostSecret to those who I can trust with my secret. 

Love to all!! Be every emotion you are!