The Witness Protection House

by carol f…..

May-July 2020

Our bubble, son Eric and 2 dogs, left our first shared Sacramento house rather quickly while running from Covid. We had no desire to deal with raccoon relocation, roof closure construction, inept landlords, and we just wanted “out”of the 100 year old farmhouse. When looking for 3 bedroom homes (to allow for an office),with a fenced back yard for 2 dogs, the options were few and dismal.  (By August rental options disappeared  as urban “relocaters” working from home began eagerly buying houses, particularly in Sacramento and Phoenix according to a Redfin survey.) We found very few choices, all dismal, However, some homes were listed in Elk Grove, about 15 minutes South of Sacramento.  Elk Grove is a clean, well designed town, with 104 small parks and many curvilinear streets making it feel visually welcoming. But it also has an American Flag in every front yard, lots of trucks, and some Blue Lives Matter signs scattered about. No Black Lives Matter. None.

It was enjoyable being in a generous unremarkable modern house that looked essentially like all others in the area, with a medical care home next door that housed a shifting variety of families from multiple African countries.  The house, a 70’s single story rectangle, was painted in basic shades of black, white and gray inside and out, Lots of plastic plants and multiple copies of an identical mass produced painting in several locations. (My inner artist had a good chuckle.) The yard was burrs and weeds but enclosed.  This turned out to be a happy time for us. Not yet burned out, we “got” the pleasures of an open floor plan, back yard BBQ and we settled in.  A significant occupation involved watching families of all races stroll by the kitchen window on the way to nearby Smedberg park, which was lush with almost no one there. However, over time, some cultural and political differences surfaced. I chatted briefly with a group of 8 women that strolled past our house every night around 7 pm.  I was invited to join them, a nice neighborly offer, tempting for a short term outsider. But they chatted happily very close together without masks on during their walks. I passed. At a community garage sale shared by some 22 homes,  I drove my car past a dozen homes with owners sitting in their garages. Not one home owner wore a mask. At one point I quickly turned away to retrieve my mask, forgotten in the car, and was told, “Oh don’t worry about that, we’re a mask-free zone!” Roughly 20% of people shopping wore masks. This was in contrast to the masked, immaculate, carefully crowd controlled Optometry practice I used in order to obtain glasses to pass visual testing at my upcoming Real ID DMV license appointment.  (Accomplished in Napa with few people allowed inside, but NO SINGLE bottle of hand sanitizer was to be found!) The chatty optometrist proudly described the varied people in an area where 28% of the population is Asian and where brown people from Egypt, Nigeria, India, Somalia reside.   I also learned about the extensive parks in a city that grew exponentially from 3700 in 1970 to currently 174 thousand residents.It was easy to navigate, comforting to easily join my Goddaughter and her young family not far away, though I wanted more frequent contact than Eric sought. Differences in protocol strictness have been an issue since I wanted to ease my isolation which met with some serious concerns from my son. He has been very strict , focused on keeping me alive.  I think this issue of how strict to be about closeness, amount of time together, staying out of homes, distancing from young children, shopping or using delivery services becomes a daily concern and issue. It’s so contrary to all of our American emphasis on independence, socializing, taking care of yourself. Trying to work that out to everyone’s satisfaction remains a challenge.  As we wear down over time I’ve noted increased impatience from tired friends who are more comfortable about food shopping or occasional outdoor dining.  I hope we can give each other enough “room” for differences without either becoming self-righteous or judgmental of our differing boundaries and  protocols.

Living near green things can be very restorative. At one point I became engrossed in keeping two squirrels away from a plum tree while they competed to consume fruit that later became a lovely plum sauce worthy of a fine restaurant. I’d never heard of Victory Gardens during WWI and WWII until we arrived. We found a plant nursery that was entirely outside, stocked up on herbs, a bell pepper plant, planted the roots of green onions & butter lettuce that soaked in our window, picked up tomatillo plants left for the taking on the street. It’s amazing the sense of purpose that arises as you assemble small pots on top of a plastic storage container resting on two chairs in the sun, (McGuyvering) and watch the plants grow.  One night. I heard the distinct cry of distant babies in the wee hours of the morning, only to encounter some 200 goats the next morning who had been released in a system of waterways and canyons en route to our park. Great way to clear out invasive vegetation!  As we exercised in the yard daily, we could check our laughable little garden, and  we thoroughly enjoyed using the herbs and sharing our first (and only) small bell pepper together before we moved on.  Bell peppers and red wine…who knew?!!

I expanded a long time habit of mine which we share, hitting the backroads going through more rural, not yet developed areas. From the rural Minnesota and Iowa farms, lake cottages and sunsets of my childhood that I find annually reassuring, I was able to put some of the chaos around us into a kind of perspective at times. Food and discovering a wide variety of really good restaurants (Journey to the Dumpling) was also a day brightener, along with avoiding the news.  How you start your day shapes much of how your mood is impacted during each day. Dog walking and green parks were my salvation. Small talk visits occured with neighbor Bob, a retired trucker whose children have proved to be a disappointment. He was eager to talk to alleviate his boredom as he sat outside his garage seeking conversation.

I learned during this period of relative quiet, deliberately NOT focused on daily news, how really de-conditioned I was from several years of being a caregiver, case manager, and ultimately wheelchair pusher as my husband declined. My heart is filled with gratitude for my son who was my daily exercise coach and unfailing cheerleader.  What a difference exercise creates, but “pressing through” the hard stuff often takes support and encouragement.

We also began to address some of the protocol differences between us, from Eric’s very strict avoidance of any shopping in person, with exceptions made for particular restaurants out of range, like Journey to the Dumpling which had Sacramento’s best Chinese food. Take out became easier to use though meticulous wiping and cleaning continued. But my greater social need to see people, and his strict distancing protocol were an ongoing challenge.  Was it really necessary to be 6 feet away, for 45 minutes or less? These tensions made me understand the likely issues building up between couples and within family generations throughout the country. We may never know if abuse & divorce rates have been higher, but it will likely be more straightforward to track increased birth rates during this time.  Also, a clearly known fact that all animal shelters are currently empty with no dogs or cats left to join families is clearly a win-win in this bleak landscape.

Painting has been a joy for me, a true escape.  From a dog portrait to a fountain in a town center courtyard, to vegetables when no other inspiring sources were available. Reading, TV of course are also worthy escapes. Eric was editing a documentary for Netflix and grateful for the work from home, but escapes were limited in time and frequency.

When we sought to extend our stay, to our dismay the owner informed us she wanted to tsell the house and we needed to be out in 10 days. Though they had tried unsuccessfully to sell 2 years before,  as we scrambled for a new location, we later discovered the house sold, along their own home, in four days.  This was when we hit a low point as virtually every location we explored offered almost nothing.

Stay tuned…